Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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