I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize