I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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