do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize