Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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