i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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