He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize