Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize