There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
