I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
