Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
