Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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