she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize