1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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