I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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