You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
