Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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