how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
