A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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