She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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