Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So much rum. So many feels.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
