New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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