Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
