Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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