I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
