i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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