tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I love you.
Bad choice
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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