Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
