Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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