Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
