Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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