You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
