What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
