she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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