And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this beer tastes like vomit already
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize