look no pants
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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