Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The air was thick with penises
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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