Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize