dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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