DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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