Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
