Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
