I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
