My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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