Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we're making bets on your personal life
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
