i jhust puked up my retainher.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
