I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
