You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
