fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize