Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
