rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
