I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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