He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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