i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
