So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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