you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
