Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
