I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
