I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
