I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize