giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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