I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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