He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
