Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
