i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
