She is in my trunk
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
