I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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