remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
