You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
