I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
