need another drink. this is the easiest way
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
