fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
