the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
