oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize