wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
