I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You can't motorboat a personality
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
