I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
