I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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