sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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