Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
