I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
