Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
